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May Memories Bring you Comfort

Mon, 22 Dec 2025 18:39:54 GMT

We Remember Them this Holiday Season

We come together to remember, not because grief has left us ... but because love has not. Each name we remember, each life we honor, represents a story that continues to matter. The people we hold in our hearts this holiday season are more than dates and memories — they are voices we still hear, lessons we still carry, and love that still shapes who we are.

Grief has no schedule. It does not follow the calendar, and it does not fade simply because time passes. Some days it feels quiet and manageable. Other days it can feel just as heavy as it did in the beginning. And all of that is normal.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve — there is only your way.

What I want you to hear is this: you are not weak because you still hurt, and you are not alone because you still miss. Love does not disappear when a life ends. It changes its form, but it stays with us.

For many of you, this past year has required strength you didn’t know you had. You have learned how to breathe through loss. You have learned how to wake up in a world that feels different than the one you knew before. And even on the days when you didn’t feel strong, you kept going. That in itself is courage.

Remembrance is not about reopening wounds — it is about honoring connection. It is about saying that these lives mattered and still matter. We remember laughter. We remember small habits and shared routines. We remember voices, smiles, and the way a room felt when they were in it. These memories are not burdens — they are treasures.

If your grief feels heavy, let it. You don’t need to fix it. If your heart feels peaceful for a moment, accept that too — it is not a betrayal of your loved one to feel joy again. Love allows both sorrow and healing to exist at the same time.

And if today finds you somewhere in between — unsure, tired, still learning how to carry this loss — know this: there is no deadline on your healing. There is no finish line you are supposed to reach. The goal is not to “move on,” but to move forward with love still in your heart.

Thank you for trusting us to walk beside you during one of the most difficult seasons of your lives. Serving your loved ones has been an honor we do not take lightly. Their lives have left an imprint on us as well.

As we remember this holiday season, may you feel surrounded by understanding, supported by community, and strengthened by the knowledge that your loved one’s life continues through you — in the stories you tell, in the values you pass on, and in the love that never truly leaves.

May peace find you gently.
May memories bring you comfort.
And may you always know that love is stronger than loss.

May peace wrap around you in quiet moments.
May love continue to find you in unexpected ways.
May your memories bring more warmth than weight,
and may hope rise gently in your heart when you are ready.
May you feel supported, today and always.
And may those we love and remember remain forever a part of us.

About the author: Jim Dalton is one of our Funeral Directors. Any opinions expressed here are his and may or may not reflect the opinions of other staff members.

Grief on Mother's Day

mmertes@plcorp.com (Jenny Mertes) — Wed, 07 May 2025 16:29:48 GMT

I wish she could be here for Mother's Day

As another Mother’s Day approaches, my thoughts are with each of you grieving the loss of your mother, whether it was this year or in the past. This day can bring a lot of emotions including sadness, loneliness, and even anger. For some, the day can be complicated, with both positive and negative feelings. As this will be my second Mother’s Day without my mother, I anticipate that it will be easier than last year. However, my childhood home has now been sold, so I can no longer visit the place where I most strongly felt her memory and love.

I’ve been considering what I would like this day to look like with ways to celebrate this day and want to share some with you. I understand for some it may even be hard just to make it through the day. Please remember that the grief journey is different for each of us. You can ignore the media that try to tell you how you should celebrate or what you should buy. Reflect upon your own needs and what will be beneficial to you. Be gentle with yourself. There are no right or wrong ways to feel. I hope some of these ideas can be helpful to you.

Do something you enjoyed with your mother or something that reminds you of her. One example could be gardening. I have wonderful memories of planting flowers with my mother. I was fortunate to have brought some of her plants to my home, including a pink peony. I am hopeful this will be blooming so I can have a bouquet on Sunday. Other ideas could be shopping, going to her favorite restaurant, getting a manicure, or hosting the family dinner at your home now. Her legacy can continue with your traditions.

Choose a way to honor your mother. Take flowers to her grave, if that is possible. You could also light a candle, cook her favorite meal or make a special social media tribute in her memory. Watch family videos or look at old family photo albums.

Do something creative, whether it is writing, painting, playing music, or whatever you like to do to express your emotions.

One thing I know I will be doing is attending church. My mother’s faith life was very important to her, and this is important to my family.

If you are a mother yourself, let your family celebrate you. It is possible for you to honor your mother but still let this day be about you. Take time to do something special with your children, or if you need some time for yourself, take a long walk or bubble bath or read a book.

Choose not to celebrate and unplug from social media. Listen to your needs. Each of us is in a different place on our grief journey. You may give yourself permission not to celebrate at all, and that is okay. We can’t anticipate exactly how we will feel on Sunday, so if you need to change your plans that day, that is also okay. Maybe you can call a friend or other family member and lean on them for support. Our website www.skradskifh-kc.com has a grief support section if you are looking for additional resources.

While thinking about Mother’s Day this year, I am reminded of spending those last days with my mother. One afternoon when my son was by her bedside, he heard her ask for her mom. He was struck by the fact that a woman who lived to be 100 and was the matriarch of our large family still wanted her own mother. He learned something that day that I know all too well. We are never too old to want our mom.

About the author: Jenny Mertes serves as our Community Service Director. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other staff members.

When it's Not the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

mmertes@plcorp.com (Jenny Mertes) — Fri, 20 Dec 2024 15:47:33 GMT

Grief and the Holidays

Grief. It is such a heavy word. Grief weighs down upon us, especially during this holiday season when we are surrounded with people experiencing happiness and joy. Many articles are circulating right now regarding stages of grief and coping with grief that have helpful information, but the truth is that grief is not linear. The journey of grief is very different for each of us.

My own family recently experienced an unexpected loss, so we are on this grief journey with you. I understand how you can be going about your usual day, and then the grief will just hit you hard seemingly out of nowhere. Christmas will look very different this year, as our large family gathering will be missing a core member who brought great stories and abundant laughter with his quick wit. His presence will be so greatly missed, and there will be a void. I don’t know yet how this will unfold, but we will gather together to support each other, tell stories and reflect upon the true meaning of the season.

While each of you is in a different place with your grief right now, please remember that you do not have to be by yourself. While there will be times when you want to be alone to process what has happened, I encourage you to also reach out to family and friends for support. When others say “Please let me know how I can help,” most actually mean it. They simply do not know what to do. Tell them. Really. Asking for help can be difficult to do, but please realize that helping you may bring joy to the person providing support to you. Do you need your dry cleaning picked up? Could you use some Christmas cookies but don’t feel like baking? Do you need someone to just come and be with you for an hour, so you aren’t alone? Sometimes you may not even know what you need, but when you are talking to someone, opening up about what you are experiencing can provide help at that moment.

If you don’t have family or friends that are local, there are organizations and churches offering grief support groups. Some of you may prefer online support. A wonderful resource for that is www.HeartlightCenter.org. You can also explore the grief resources section of our website at www.Skradskifh-kc.com or contact me at Directors@Skradskifh-kc.com. Please be kind to yourself and do not suffer alone.

My Christmas wish for you is to find healing and peace.

About the author: Jenny Mertes serves as the Community Service Director at Skradski Funeral Home. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone and may or may not reflect the opinions of other staff members.

Happy? Mother's Day

mmertes@plcorp.com (Jenny Mertes) — Mon, 06 May 2024 20:42:05 GMT

Mother's Day Grief: What do I do without her?

As my first Mother’s Day without my mother approaches, I have many emotions. I am being inundated with ads for what I should buy my mother, through email, google, USPS mail and the television. These are constant reminders that I cannot buy her a gift or celebrate with her this year. I spent this past weekend preparing for an estate sale rather than planning a day of celebration. There is sadness and grief that I know many of you are also experiencing.

I will share a few of my usual suggestions for this day, although I admit they feel much different to me this year. Each of us experiences grief differently, so please be kind to yourself and do what makes the most sense for you.

1. Celebrate with your usual traditions. Still go to the restaurant where you would have taken her, get a manicure if that is where you would have taken her, or do whatever you would have planned. Her legacy can continue with your traditions.

2. Honor your mother. Spend some time honoring your mother and what she meant to you. There are many options for this. You could go to the cemetery, plant flowers like you used to do with her, cook her favorite meal, donate in her name to her favorite charity, attend a church service and pray for her, post a social media tribute, or write her a letter or a card. Many people can find healing through writing about their thoughts and feelings.

3. Have a celebration with your siblings. You may be used to having a Mother’s Day celebration with your siblings. This is still an appropriate choice. Spending time together sharing memories and telling stories can be therapeutic. Talking to someone who shares your grief can make it easier to express your emotions.

4. Let your family celebrate you. If you are a mother yourself, let your family celebrate you and start new traditions. Think about what you would like to do with your children to enjoy the day.

5. Consider self-care. This is different for each of us. You could choose to sleep late, take a candle-lit bubble bath, go for a long walk, or read a book. Remember that you do not have to celebrate on this day if that is not right for this stage of your grief journey. It is ok to do nothing at all, and it is okay if you want to sit and cry. Please be kind to yourself.

Do not let the media try to tell you what they think is “right” or expected to do on this day. Acknowledge your feelings and emotions. I will be distracted over the weekend by my son’s college graduation, and this time will be focused on him. However, I will definitely be missing my mother and wishing she were there to see the graduation. I will find time to honor her using a combination of some of the suggestions above.

As I write this and think of memories of my mother, I recall how she wrote stories that would be considered blogs now, although she was published in newspapers, not on the web. My favorite story that she had published was about our large family and how each one of us contributed to what made us a family. When I was a child, she would come upstairs every night to pray with me and tuck me in bed. Every night as she descended the stairs, I would tell her the same thing, and she ended her article with my words. Now that she has gone to join my father in heaven, I believe it is appropriate to conclude here with those same words. “I love you Mommy and tell Daddy I love him too.”

About the author: Jenny serves as our Community Service Director. Any opinions expressed here are hers and hers alone, and may or may not reflect the opinions of other staff members.

Collective Grief and Healing After Mass Tragedy

Tue, 20 Feb 2024 19:46:35 GMT

To Our Kansas City Community

There has been a lot of overwhelming activity in our communities involving violence, trauma, and intense collective grief. Collective grief is when an entire community – society, nation, town, neighborhood – experiences extreme loss or change, after the impact of an event such as mass shooting, war, or natural disaster.

We’ve been pausing, reflecting, and mourning, and we want to acknowledge what you are experiencing.

In the wake of a tragedy, it is common to experience feeling overwhelmed, scared, angry, hurt, shocked, helpless, alone, and sad… among many other things. And sometimes it’s hard to know what to do.

There are several ways that we can take care of ourselves when we are experiencing collective grief:

Acknowledge Your Feelings

Events can be triggering of past events, losses or traumas that are experienced personally, which can be intense. Events can also simply feel overwhelming because we are experiencing empathy as we witness the trauma and loss that others are experiencing. It’s okay to acknowledge our feelings even if the event didn’t directly impact us. Whatever emotions are coming up for you, sit with them, acknowledge what you are experiencing without judgment. Consider what you need to tend to your emotions.

Memorialize

We can find rituals and symbols that can honor the grief that others are feeling, that we ourselves are feeling, and the loss of life and sense of security and safety that we are experiencing. Some things include attending a candle vigil, gathering with family and friends, dedicating a meditation or prayer, watching or attending funeral services. Consider what might be helpful for you to do as a sense of memorial in the wake of such an event.

Take a Break

It’s helpful to step away, take a break, give yourself a moment of breath away from the event. It’s okay to turn off the television, redirect conversation, or disengage from social media for a bit and engage in some self care. Consider what might be helpful to you right now to take a break.

Take Action

After we experience something where we feel out of control, taking intentional action in a way that feels right for you can feel empowering, aid in recreating a sense of safety, and healing. This can include political advocacy, reaching out to a neighbor, exchanging kindness with others, and volunteering with organizations that you feel connected to. Consider what might be a way to take action that feels meaningful to you.

For ideas in taking care of you, we invite you to explore HeartLight Center Resources at https://heartlightcenter.org/grief-resources-and-info/

Some additional helpful resources include:

Supporting Children After a Mass Tragedy

https://www.dougy.org/resources/cause-of-death/mass-tragedies

Sesame Street – Support and Resources After Traumatic Experiences

Helpful Resources After a Mass Tragedy

https://whatsyourgrief.com/the-media-overload-detox-diet/

https://www.apa.org/topics/gun-violence-crime/mass-shooting

https://www.counseling.org/knowledge-center/coping-in-the-aftermath-of-a-shooting

If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, please contact the National Suicide & Crisis Hotline by calling or texting 9-8-8.

If you have any questions about HeartLight Center or grief support, please contact us! We’re here to help.

720-748-9908 info@heartlightcenter.org

It’s Okay to Cry in Target (A Father’s Day Reflection)

Wed, 14 Jun 2023 19:28:56 GMT

Coping with Grief on Father's Day

The first Father’s Day after my father died was looming, and I was dreading it. As the youngest of six children, I was definitely a Daddy’s girl, even though I was a grown adult with my own family. He was my hero, and I couldn’t bear to think about Father’s Day without him. At the same time, I knew I could not ignore this day, as that would not be fair to my husband and children. They deserved to have a celebration.

One busy summer morning, I needed to stop by Target for a few things. I thought I might as well let the kids choose a card for their dad while we there. Thinking about my long to – do list that morning had distracted me, and I was not prepared for the rush of emotion.

As I approached the festive greeting card aisle, the tears began to flow. It hit me like a ton of bricks, that I was not able to give my dad a card this year. My children (ages 7 and 11 at the time) were so embarrassed they moved to the end of the aisle and pretended they did not know me. Other shoppers were staring. After a brief thought that I should be embarrassed and stop, I didn’t consider what others were thinking about me.

While I stood staring at the Happy Father’s Day cards, I could not stop the tears. After reflecting upon this later, I understood that what happened was okay! At that moment, in that place, I needed to grieve. That’s part of grief: we cannot just put it in a box and deal with it only when we choose. Sometimes it appears unexpectedly, and sometimes that can help us heal; even if it means crying in Target.

I was able to pull myself together and help my children choose a card so that we could go home. Our Father’s day celebration was quieter than normal that year, but I believe my husband and children were satisfied.

For those of you approaching your first Father’s Day without your father, I am truly sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself. Grief affects each of us very differently and on very different timelines. Don’t feel pressured by advertising or social media. Celebrate (or don’t celebrate) in a way that makes sense for you and your family.

An anonymous quote that I have seen numerous times states, “Grief is the last act of love we can give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.” I did feel deep grief that day and many more days, but I also felt the great love.

Coping with grief on Father’s Day is difficult. I wish you peace and love on this day. Please give yourself some grace, and remember, it’s okay to cry in Target.